The Green Monster

Shifted

yello folks ..


The blog has moved to here
. Please to pay the visits .

And for the last time from here

May the force be with you.

blabbered by Vishal 'Tommy' Thomas @ 9:45 pm Comments: 2

another black day.. another day when the system just takes ur life and chucks it in its garbage can and then hours later remembers oh yeah i'll need that someday.. its pointless these days .. ive just lst all hope in the system. "the man".. stck it to the man?? yeh right.. all ur gonna do is get somethin stuck where the sun dont shine.. theres just no point.. im sick off it.. living itself has become such a pain.. my friends have slowly wandered away .. as i have from them.. some stuck on .. some pretend they're still there,, some try to make it seem that they never knew.. some have found greener pastures.. moved on to wat they say is a better life..
but thats wat they say.. everyone moves on.. i have..

a year ago.. i was a happy person.. i didnt care wat happnd to me... or how the system screwed with my life.. i was in a new place.. just about settling in.. then it hit me.. really hit me.. the people who saw it dont kno how i made it outta the pile of junk that remained of my car .. lived in hospital for 4 months after that.. and i felt alive after soo long.. finally i was out of the grey world that was my life in hospital.. finally i could sleep in a bed that wasnt steel below the many matresses .. and not look at the same scenery out the window.,.

i felt..well ALIVE.. i needed to try somethin new.. something different.. somethin the old me would never have dreamed of doing.. so when i was at the pary i wasnt supposed to be at and that anonymous hand slipped a joint into my hand it was just natural that i did wat i did and went took a long drag.. from then there was no lookin back.. i guess im in over my head.. spoilin my own life.. but who gives a fuck anymore.. u have only one life man.. live it while u can.. u never kno when that drunken driver is gonna crash into u.. and take u outta action for a half a year..

soon that bcame all i was living for.. the chance to get high.. find my place in this world and enjoy meself.. no worries ... no guilt.. no blame.. no tension.. and no worries ... sigh sometimes i miss that feeling.. i really do.. today i woke up in hospital again. the same grey walls the same metal bed.. why?? i found sleeping pills gave me the same buzz and they arent illegal.. the rehab place warned me.. but hell i thot who gives a fuck.. one .. nothin.. two nothin.. six.. nothin.. got to ten.. and finally peace .. i took two more for good measure.. my parents found me almost dead.. rushed me to hospital.. and here i am..

is it worth it? heh i donno.. back to rehab is where im going.. i hate wat this is doing ,, all im tryin to do is be happy.. guess being hapy means satisfyin the rest of the world.. heh..




hey..

im back.. depressing one i kno.. cant be helped.. AND NO.. it is not autobiographical.. so no worries..
anyway i leavs.. exams ahoy..
see yas..
as always
im still me
may the force be with u..

Labels: depressing, tired

blabbered by Vishal 'Tommy' Thomas @ 6:44 am Comments: 12

new year..

hey all

its been a while but im finally back.. hope u've all recovered from the hangovers of a killer new years party.. if u didnt have one good on u!! if u didnt have a party .. hard luck.. there's always a another one.. this year both xmas and new year were a new experience to me.. coz for the first time in my eighteen years i was not with family .. this time i spent it with friends.. its was to say the least difficult.. but it also led me to think of how important family has bcome.. they say distance makes the heart grow fonder.. i choose the agree.. at least in this case.. sigh.. anyways thats new year outta the way..
new years started off with some shocks.. some good some bad.. its been a fun year 2006 and im sad to see it go.. but tis gone.. and as usual we have a new one to look forward to .. :)..

it took one marathon conversation .. to realize i've been holdin stuff inside me thats been there for ages.. and i havent let out.. stuff thats been sub consciously buggin me for years.. major relief to get it all outta me system.. owe the person at the other end of that convo loads.. thank u.. :)..
happy new year all.. hope u get all u need out of this year.. :).. .gluck to u..

may the force be with u
im still me

ps: i'll blog properly later.. assignments to do.. peace y'all..

blabbered by Vishal 'Tommy' Thomas @ 9:53 pm Comments: 5

man down..

how do u console someone when they've lost a relative.. a friend.. a pet.. how do u arrange ur face .. do u smile.. do u have that expression on ur face saying im sorry man.. wish it hadnt happnd.. or do u just ponder why ur there.. ive been there.. done that a million times.. and i still dont know which is the right way.. ppl have come to me.. losing a son or a daughter.. the wars taken a lot out of everyone.. from the loved ones its taken their hearts and minds and souls.. from the troops its taken everythin.. every organ .. every cell in their body is moving towards resolving the conflict .. the question still unanswered .. is the conflict between the nations.. between the so called superpowers of the regiion.. or is it an internal battle against our conscience.. a battle over of bad against worse??

two days ago.. a late corporal's wife came upto me.. she had in her hand wat remained of a charred photo.. i neednt have asked wat had happend.. but i did.. i made it my job.. sometimes the greatest grief of a death ends when u let it out.. i felt it a moral duty to help ppl .. call me stupid but thats wat i did.. she had no tears in her eyes.. in fact she had a wry smile upon her features.. the corporal had been one of my favourites.. a hardworking young man.. a crack shot.. he had been killed a day before this meeting in rocket attack of the base.. he had died not directly.. he had died tryin to save the rest of the base.. he did.. but lost his life in the proces.. he was to be a awarded a post humous bravery award.. and given a state funeral..

his wife came upto me..she handed me the photograph.. i turned it over.. it was an early picture of the team when we had arrived at the battle zone.. evryone was happy.. all she said was. " why.. ".. i said. " that i cannot explain.. he was a brave man.. i owe me life to him.. ".. she went on.. " not why he had to die sir.. i kno why he had to die.. he died doing wat he did best.. serving the country and the ppl he best loved.. why did this war have to happen is all i ask.. why cant one man and another just get along.. " .. i didnt kno wat to say.. it was a question i didnt kno to answer myself.. with that she turned and left.. and yet again i was unsure how to react..

why does man " the smartest of all beings " do wat he does to fellow man.. i just dont have an explanation for that .. why we live in this world where colour, religion and caste make us all different.. unanswered stuff.. thats best left unanswered coz the answers will just cause more conflict..

for once in my life.. i found the need to let out emotion.. the grief of seeing so many ppl die.. the grief ive shared with their famlies.. the emptiness i've felt without a family of my own.. and found that there was noone in this world i could let it out to.. in all my life.. i'd been a punching bag.. a soundin board and a support to a lot of different ppl.. but somehow i had never let it out.. the only emotion i ever let out was in the field when i saw a partner taken out.. anger.. passion.. adrenaline.. kill the bastards who did this was all i thot.. now in an hour of need i had noone to talk to.. noone who i could hang onto to stay afloat.. except betsy.. betsy was my best friend.. she helped me relax.. saved my life more than once.. now she would help me end it..

i took her out of my desk.. the beatiful .35 revolver .. i polished her everyday.. and kept her loaded..


i've made the man down call so many times i've lost count.. ironic i thot as the barrel made contact with my temple.. never thot id be making it about myself..







hey..

im back again.. hope ur all doing good.. semester's done with .. back home for 10 days.. :) .. jobles..

as always

im still me
may the force be with u..

blabbered by Vishal 'Tommy' Thomas @ 4:08 am Comments: 8

faith..

Went to church today after a very long time... strange.. yes.. but totally new church in a town absolutely new to me .. very small.. hardly 50 ppl were there.. new to me.. coz church to me always meant a large congregation of highly devout or highly hypocritic ppl.. here it was just 50 ppl.. considerin this sunday was a family sunday my grandparents had also come down from trivandrum.. neway.. i walked in late .. and the only place was next to a wizened lookin old man in the corner.. i took it being exhausted by the long walk straight uphill.. i sat down next to him and slowly he began to speak.. surprisingly he spoke in english.. he was talkin to himself.. a soft voice.. nearly breakin with emotion.. at first i didnt pay too much attention.. then as the service got more and more borin i started listenin to him.. he seemed to be in deep conversation wit someone called johnny..i didnt disturb him.. not wantin to stop the old man and disturb his peace.. he went on about how the "thing" looked amazing and how proud he was that he could see it ... slowly he stopped talkin and i wondered wat was going on.. he just prayed .. as the family's went forward .. i noticed eh was alone .. he came back and took his place.. tears slowly formin in his eyes.. as the service i ended .. he asked me who i was .. considerin i was new at the church i gave him a whole history .. i asked.. he told me bout himself.. george kurien.. architect.. retired of course he laughed.. i asked him why he laughed .. and he said son im 95.. i was shocked.. he looked a fightin 70.. not 95.. i spoke to him for a good five minutes and then asked him where the rest of his family was.. he told me they had all moved on... it was really heart wrenchin to see this old man all alone.. but still all cheery crackin jokes with the rest of the crowd and laughing heartily with all of them.. he caught my eye and walked over.. i kno wat ur thinkin he said .. dont feel sorry for me.. when i come here im with my family he said.. i didnt realize wat he was sayin so i nodded and smiled.. i left shortly after and went back to the hospital .. as i did my rounds for the day i was buzzed to the ER.. runnin there.. i was shocked to see my patient was noone other than my bench mate at church.. i tried everythin i knew to revive him.. but there was nothin i could do given his condition.. he died that night.. as i covererd his sheets that night.. i saw a message scrawled on a piece of paper.. at least now i dont have to go to church to talk to u it said in small neat font.. and i couldnt help but smile.. family sunday yes.. recollections .. and reunions.. wat more could one ask for.. :) ..





hey


im now home.. kattapana... close to thekkady... which is close to munnar that is in kerala.. its a quiet kerala town.. but it has broadband .. :).. hehe.. happy diwali to all of u guys.. happy ramzan for those who read it on the day.. :)..

im still me

may the force be with u..

blabbered by Vishal 'Tommy' Thomas @ 4:05 am Comments: 8

a first...

hey..


this post comes to u direct from the digitial library in vit.. a first post for me from here.. so wheres the applause... :P... has been good cupla months here.. barrin the bouts of homesickness and the other wat nots of gettin used to college life.. i think i've finally managed to settle in .. again i say i think...

kno loads of ppl here yes.. some from earlier and bcome closer.. some grown apart.. but all in all having a blast.. classes are irritatin( which ones arent) .. life is gettin montonous.. joined all sortsa societies and clubs and god knos wat else.. did some quizzing.. some crazy stuff .. som craazier stuff in the dorm.. and some crap in the exams.. lets not talk about the last bit.. got another set from tuesday..


i kno its been a while since ive posted.. so pls visit oh honest and loyal friends of mine...india lost.. man u drew.. this seems like its gettin very monotonous.. :D.. anyhow ppl i take my leave.. i seee the digital librarian gettin very angry :P.. thats wat they call him.. dont blame me :P..

as always..

may the force be with u..
im still me

blabbered by Vishal 'Tommy' Thomas @ 8:57 am Comments: 8

dusting off the blog..

heyy ppl.


im back.. after aaaaaaages.. two whole months have passed since my presence on this blog has been seen.. two months is a long time .. and i have done a lot in that time.. gotten closer to soo many ppl and further away from others.. living life to the max.. hostel life is awesome.. especially when u have ur own room :).. the foods great .. at least to me.. but i'll eat anythin so that aint saying much.. made a bunch of friends in college.. lots who i knew and kno better now.. and some who i didnt kno at all but through some tough times have got close to.. :).. all in all vit is a blast and im enjoyin most of my time there.. first place i think where i've actually enjoyed exam time more than normal clas :) .. hehe..

to those of u who dont kno.. bunkin classes is routine.. u need to maintain a 75% attendance in every subject .. so by some calculations we have made the followin chart of bunakble classes every 5 weeks .. or as they call it in vit a CAM..

phy - 4
chem - 4
eng - 4
ed - 2
math - 6
history - 1
comp sc - 1


as u can see thats a lotta periods .. and hence we can make most use of it :) .. also.. we have only 5 hours of class a day.. so it aint at all bad :) .. only sad part is we work on saturdays...


now back to matters of home.. im sad to say that as of the 15th of september .. i shall no longer be a resident of the city of chennai.. my parents are shifting to munnar.. to those of u who dont where that is .. wiki it.. shall miss the city.. lived here only for 4 years.. but they were a blast.. i shall be coming back to the city once in a while.. but never to stay longer than a cuple of days.. :'(..


on a happier note :).. man utd's winning.. :D.. hehe and chelsea is losing.. aaaand i can finally watch some games at least at college in the hostel :D.. coz there is no need for these bloody set top boxes.. :D..


right ho.. keep visitin once in a while old chums ..

till we meet again...

im still me

may the force be with u..

blabbered by Vishal 'Tommy' Thomas @ 1:52 am Comments: 11