Saturday, March 24, 2007

another black day.. another day when the system just takes ur life and chucks it in its garbage can and then hours later remembers oh yeah i'll need that someday.. its pointless these days .. ive just lst all hope in the system. "the man".. stck it to the man?? yeh right.. all ur gonna do is get somethin stuck where the sun dont shine.. theres just no point.. im sick off it.. living itself has become such a pain.. my friends have slowly wandered away .. as i have from them.. some stuck on .. some pretend they're still there,, some try to make it seem that they never knew.. some have found greener pastures.. moved on to wat they say is a better life..
but thats wat they say.. everyone moves on.. i have..

a year ago.. i was a happy person.. i didnt care wat happnd to me... or how the system screwed with my life.. i was in a new place.. just about settling in.. then it hit me.. really hit me.. the people who saw it dont kno how i made it outta the pile of junk that remained of my car .. lived in hospital for 4 months after that.. and i felt alive after soo long.. finally i was out of the grey world that was my life in hospital.. finally i could sleep in a bed that wasnt steel below the many matresses .. and not look at the same scenery out the window.,.

i felt..well ALIVE.. i needed to try somethin new.. something different.. somethin the old me would never have dreamed of doing.. so when i was at the pary i wasnt supposed to be at and that anonymous hand slipped a joint into my hand it was just natural that i did wat i did and went took a long drag.. from then there was no lookin back.. i guess im in over my head.. spoilin my own life.. but who gives a fuck anymore.. u have only one life man.. live it while u can.. u never kno when that drunken driver is gonna crash into u.. and take u outta action for a half a year..

soon that bcame all i was living for.. the chance to get high.. find my place in this world and enjoy meself.. no worries ... no guilt.. no blame.. no tension.. and no worries ... sigh sometimes i miss that feeling.. i really do.. today i woke up in hospital again. the same grey walls the same metal bed.. why?? i found sleeping pills gave me the same buzz and they arent illegal.. the rehab place warned me.. but hell i thot who gives a fuck.. one .. nothin.. two nothin.. six.. nothin.. got to ten.. and finally peace .. i took two more for good measure.. my parents found me almost dead.. rushed me to hospital.. and here i am..

is it worth it? heh i donno.. back to rehab is where im going.. i hate wat this is doing ,, all im tryin to do is be happy.. guess being hapy means satisfyin the rest of the world.. heh..




hey..

im back.. depressing one i kno.. cant be helped.. AND NO.. it is not autobiographical.. so no worries..
anyway i leavs.. exams ahoy..
see yas..
as always
im still me
may the force be with u..


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blabbered by Vishal 'Tommy' Thomas @ 6:44 am Comments: 12